The Book of Kenny and the Herd
The Book of Kenny and the Herd was translated from ancient Kennglish by Disciple Negan. This book contains only one chapter. Kenny and the Herd Kenny was a righteous man, blameless among the people of his time. Kenny had one son: Duck. (And no, his wife wasn't a geese okay? Are you thinking of beastuality?! You're fucking sick). Now the earth was corrupt in Kenny’s sight and was full of violence. Kenny saw how corrupt the earth had become, for all the people on earth had corrupted their ways. So Kenny said to himself, “I am going to put an end to all people, for the earth is filled with violence because of those fuckers. I am surely going to destroy both them and the earth. So I'm going to make myself an ark of wood; make rooms in it and coat it with pitch inside and out. This is how I'm going to build it: The ark is to be three hundred cubits long, fifty cubits wide and thirty cubits high...HEY! I know math shit!? Why couldn't I be a fucking scientist or something!? ...Anyway, make a roof for it, leaving below the roof an opening one cubit high all around. Put a door in the side of the ark and make lower, middle and upper decks. Once the destruction comes, I will allow every animal to join me in the ark, including doge who means a lot to me." In seven days later, Kenny shows up in the morning to finish the ark, but finds out that his Ark has been stolen. He swore four times. " FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUUUCK! " But luckily, he came up with an idea.'' He said to the animals. ''" You know what, fuck this shit! Everyone! GET IN THE TRUCK! Kenny notices the flood is on the way, but turns out to be the herd of walkers. Kenny and his son and his wife entered the pick-up truck to escape. Pairs of clean and unclean animals, of birds and of all creatures that move along the ground, male and female, and lastly, the most important one: doge, came to Kenny and jumped in the back of the pick-up truck. For forty days the herd kept coming on the earth, and as the walkers increased, they lifted the pick-up truck high above the earth. The walkers rose and increased greatly on the earth, and the pick-up truck floated on the surface of the walkers. They rose greatly on the earth, and all the high mountains under the entire heavens were covered. Everything on dry land that had the breath of life in its nostrils died. Every living thing on the face of the earth was eaten by the walkers; people and animals and the creatures that move along the ground and the birds got eaten. Only Kenny was left, and those with him in the pick-up truck. The walkers flooded the earth for a hundred and fifty days. But Kenny remembered all the wild animals and the livestock that were with him in the pick-up truck, and he sent a wind over the earth, and the walkers receded. Now the springs of the deep and the floodgates of the heavens had been closed. The walkers receded steadily from the earth. At the end of the hundred and fifty days the walkers are dying, and on the seventeenth day of the seventh month the pick-up truck came to rest on the mountains of "Muxtacha". The walkers continued to recede until the tenth month, and on the first day of the tenth month the tops of the mountains became visible. After forty days Kenny opened a window beside him and sent out a raven, and it kept flying back and forth until the walkers caught it and ate it. Then he sent out a dove to see if the walkers had receded from the surface of the ground. But the dove could find nowhere to perch because there was walkers over all the surface of the earth; so it returned to Kenny in the pick-up truck. He reached out his hand and took the dove but the walkers caught it and eats it. He waited seven more days and again sent out another dove from the pick-up truck. When the dove returned to him in the evening, there in its beak was a freshly plucked olive leaf! Then Kenny got pissed, saying that he wants a bottle of beer, but realizes that the walkers had receded from the earth. He waited seven more days and sent the dove out again, but this time it did not return to him. In next two months, all the walkers is dead. Kenny said to his family and the animals, “Come out, it's all good out there!" But he forgot something... he ate all the animals and his wife, because he was hungry during the herd's attack. Only Duck and Doge are still alive. So Kenny came out, together with his son, Duck and their friend, Doge. "Well, that is one fucking crazy 'day'... " Category:Book of Kenny